chex-mix it

You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

You are a leader and possibly at this tine in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

You are a dreamer and you seek perfection in any relationship that you may establish. Some of your ideas and standards are over the top so it may be a good idea to review your perception of life and accept people for what they are - not for what you would like them to be.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

Okie, first things first.  Prom was wonderful.  She was a great date despite her being late and whatnot and having us missing the delicious dinner that devin's dad prepared.  I still have the "tropical banana" that was in the egg while we were on the bus. haha.  it's in my room.  keeping it in there for an emergency. ;)  I'm just really sorry i couldn't be there for you and that you didn't have as a wonderful time as was expected from prom. 
Moving on, Grad Nite was oh man!  Despite only having rode on two rides and those two beezys cut in front of me at the line for the bracelets, the dancing at the clubs definitely made up for it.  I screamed my ass off that maliboomer and i kicked justine's ass on the toy story ride at california adventures.  Oh and me and johnny found an uneaten hot dog on the bench.  We're still fine.  Oh man!  That jerk circle was the best!  I was jerkin in the middle and i expected some black guys to come out and battle me, but none of them did.  I was pretty disappointed.  I really wish you could have been there.  It would of been way better and more fun for the both of us. 
The glow in the dark assembly was kinda bittersweet.  The jerk video was missing someone haha.  but no worries, it still was an awesome video.  It was pretty sad walking out of that gym.
That Friday was also kinda bittersweet.  The coffeehouse thing at the theater was great.  I serenaded her with a song. >< I love spending time with her. <3  She complained about her back occasionally throughout the day and i was like "fuckin shit, stfu!" in my head.  i began to get pissed off at her.  That night i came across her blog and got really pissed.  I wanted to seriously punch a hole in my wall.  
I forgot what day it was but we were in my room and she told me her grad nite story.  I knew she'd say some shit i didn't want to hear so i just stayed under the blanket with my arms crossed.  and of course she said some shit i didn't want to hear.  six songs?!  kissed you on the cheek?!  you danced with 4 random guys and you gave two of them your number?!  I guess I didn"t know how much that shit would affect me.  I couldn't take the bullshit no more.  and then i found out her ex said i bowled the "cheater way".  bitch do you want to die?  I can honestly say that i hate 3 people now.
I talked to her and told her my perspective and she told me her's.  I realized that everything she did at grad nite opened my eyes to how shitty i was as a boyfriend to her.  dancing at my own grad nite with "her" and prom with "the other her".  Our relationship started on the rise again.  Now shit's on the downslope again.  She's not talking to me for whatever reason.  She should know that i still love her and i'm glad i watched up with her.  Up was a bittersweet movie as well.  I highly recommend it.  
But yeah.  imma try to get everyone to sign my yearbook over the summer who never got a chance to this last week of school befor they leave for college and take pictures with everybody.  NHS.  Gold Certificate Recipient.  Entertaining Award for Stats.  Grades - CCBAB.  Not bad i guess.  I'm going to miss otay and high school in general.  I'll come back to help out the wrestling team.  Class of '09 = <3                                

Cookie oh cookie oh how delicious you are,
You taste so good, I can't keep out of the jar.
I feel your warmth when I hold you in my hand
like the first day you were baked or the warm summer sand.

There are many other cookies, so many different kinds,
but you're that special cookie that one rarely finds.
White chocolate chip macadamia just can't compare.
You make the Keebler elves wanna stop and stare.

You're so beautiful, cookie, and oh so sweet,
Right after dinner, you're my favorite treat.
I love you cookie, I want you all to myself.
Because you're the only cookie that makes me feel like nothing else.

Yesterday started off pretty well.  I woke up at around 6:45.  I thought that was pretty early considering that I was up on the phone talking to Alyssa.  I told her I wanted to ask one of her friends to prom, but after having a nice, long conversation with her, I knew I wanted to take her.  I was like "f**k...I don't got sh*t."  I didn't have any flowers, chocolate, or a card.  I couldn't run to the store.  It was like hella late, so i was like f**k it, I'll think of something in the morning.  Morning came.  I still had nothing.  fml.  So we get on the bus and we were talking, laughing, and having a good time talking about that turbo guy.  She then told me to write a poem.  I was like, "Oh man! I haven't written one in a long ass time."  I didn't even know what to write about, but then i saw a bag of chips ahoy.  I then remembered that Alyssa liked cookies, so you can guess what i wrote about.  She said she loved it.  I personally didn't think it was that great and Alex didn't like the last line.  I guess all that mattered was that she liked it.  We arrived at the museum and our tour lady explained the museum architecture and showed us to the museum garden.  OH MAN!  That was like the most beautiful garden I've ever seen.  I thought that would be a good place to ask, but there were alot of people there.  We got into the main entrance and recieved our complementary auditory learning things, and after looking around at some art by El Greco, Rembrandt, and other artists, I decided to press some random buttons on the device and it was like.  "A dragonfly, a piece of fruit, and an imaginary insect."  I don't know.  I thought it was funny.  You just had to hear it.  Then Alex was like, "Dude, if you want this to go down, you have an hour."  I was like, "Danm".  We went back into the garden and it was like some real Mission Impossible sh*t.  We had to check if the guard dude wasn't looking and all of the secret agent spy stuff.  I snipped a white flower with my bare hands, and Alex was like, "That stem's hella small!"  fml.  So we go to this rose cluster placed strategically right behind a tree so the enemy coudn't see us.  I snapped the stem, but Alex was like, "That sh*t's still too small!"  twss.  So we try this rose bush right behind the wall.  Alex tries to cut the stem with my keys, but then we heard a "HEY!" in the back.  We've been spotted.  We come back later and after two strokes of my key.  I was able to acquire the roses.  Mission Accomplished.  We only had fifteen minutes left.  I needed to find a spot quickly.  I picked this one spot.  Alex was like, "Naw f**k this.  We're at one of the most beautiful museums in the world and you pick this fugly spot."  owned.  I then thought of the balcony that our tour lady took us too.  The view was pretty nice there, so me and Alex walked briskly to the spot.  I tried contacted her but I had no signal. ft-mobile.  Then, a few minutes later i get signal.  whoo.  I call her about 7 times.  She doesn't answer. fml.  So we head back to the main entrance.  fml.  I wait a couple of minutes, then BAM!  Who do I see walking my way?  I take her to the balcony.  It was kinda awkward at first.  There were these dudes taking pictures and sh*t.  In the meantime, I asked some retarded ass questions like "What kind of cactus is that?" and "Do you think It'd hurt if you sat on one?"  The dudes left.  kinda.  Then I said "I have something for you.  It took a long ass time for me and alex to get these.  (bust out flowers).  Will you go to prom with me?"  She said yes. (:  The bus took us back home.  We went to Chick-fil-A and I got her a strawberry milkshake.  After, we went to Carl's Jr. and Alex bought her chili cheese fries and hooked it up with a coupon.  We had a nice Carl's Jr. talk.  "That's Hella Butt!" lol.  I taught her how to jerk in the parking lot. kinda.  We took her home.  I called her up and waited until 12:00.  Called up Alex.  Happy Birthday Buddy.  Hope you have a wonderful birthday and may all your wishes come true.  Keep doin' what you do and stay true.  I love you <3. no homo.  Over and out.                       

I don't know what to feel now.  I know i'm not supposed to feel sad.  I'm supposed to happy, but I can't.  I guess I'll just have to accept it.  I can't do anything else without any undesirable ramifications.  I can't stop listening to AJ Rafael's "Something Happens".  I sorta feel nostalgic when I hear it.  It brings back good memories.  If you're reading this, go listen to it.  Anyways.  Happy Birthday Brother!  I just ate the guac with you.  It was delicious. (:  
"Something happens when I look in your eyes mesmerize me take me into your world somehow"

Dear Journal,
     All right.  This is my first entry.  I sound like Doug Funnie, but anyway i like to jerk.  I enjoy it alot.  I don't know how long my infatuation with jerkin will last but in the meantime i'm just having fun with it.  Jerk jerk jerk jerkin.  OH MAN!  i dont' know know what to do anymore homie.  Some people are telling me to take her before he does.  They keep pushing that I'm in denial.  I kinda want to, but my heart belongs to another woman.  I'm gonna miss you when you go to LA.